Taking the High Road

My ex wife can be a real bitch, there you go – I said it. I will give you an example, with us she has the kids most of the time, I have them one evening during the week and every second weekend. We also share school holidays. With her being a stay at home mum and myself working full time this seemed to be the best way to sort things out – with the least impact on our 2 young children. ( 4 and 8 yrs old ).

This weekend is Queens birthday weekend, and I didn’t realize that until about four days before the weekend. I knew that last time I tried to have the kids an extra day on a long weekend, by the time I came around to asking the ex, she said that plans had already been made so too late. This time I figured she would say the same thing and sure enough that’s exactly what she said.

Trying to stop the same thing happening again I said OK, that’s fine but going forwards I would appreciate it if she assumed that I would want them on a long weekend, as otherwise she is always just going to say she has plans. She texted back a really smart ass reply saying ask sooner, she never assumes anything. Whatever right – what a cow, I then figured maybe I need to get a custody agreement written up to try to stop the stupid bitch from trying to control my life.

Roll forward a few days and my daughter needs to go to the doctor and also required some school uniform items. Normally I pay for all these items as I think that’s fair enough. Of course I want to support my kids beyond the child support that I also pay. When the ex texted me asking for money to pay these things the natural response that sprung to mind was a comment around why if she never assumes anything would she assume that I would pay for all this stuff??? Seriously that’s a natural reaction when someone pisses you off, you want to get them back right.

This is when I decided to take the high road, why lower myself to her level, just because she is such a cow, does not mean that I need to be an unreasonable person. I went to the bank, withdrew the money and paid her right away while picking up the kids for my “Short weekend”. It’s not always easy but you actually end up feeling like a better person by “Taking the High Road”.

We always like to hear your stories about situations with your ex partners, please share by leaving a comment on this post!

How Do Young Children Cope with Divorce?

Children are the unwilling and innocent victims of any relationship split and depending on their age and the circumstances of the separation may react in a number of ways.

Here are a number of methods you can use to help your children through this major change in their lives.

Reassurance and security
Every child wants to feel safe and secure, by reassuring your children that this is not going to change and demonstrating to them that this is still the case this can help to minimize the often traumatic impact of their parents parting ways.

Make sure you children know they are not to blame
Often children can’t understand why their world has split apart and will sometimes blame themselves. Make sure you make it clear to your children that the relationship split was in no way because of them.

Always be pleasant about the other parent in front of your children
You may be very hurt and angered by your ex partner but the worse thing that you can do is let your children see or hear this. Be careful when on conversations with others on the phone and in person and make sure you only say nice things about the other in front of your children. Vent all you like when the kids are not around – but make sure you put their feelings first before your own frustrations, hurt and anger.

Try to stay happy and positive
As hard as it may be sometimes, try to keep laughing and put on a brave face. This is very important for both yourself and your children.

Your children can come through separation relatively unscathed, however they can also be scarred mentally for life. How you and your ex handle the situation can be the difference.

Dealing with difficult people – your ex

Just when you think life is starting to sort itself out, more often than not problems will arise with the ex. We look at some of the more common issues relating to ex wives, ex partners and ex husbands.

Having an ex wife, or husband can be a real thorn in the side, and often they seem to find pleasure in making your life miserable. Others may have a civil or even mutually respectful relationship with their ex spouse and good on them for accomplishing this very difficult feat.

The fact that you are reading this article suggests that like many of us, you have some or many issues with your ex partner.

Bitterness
– if your ex is the one that feels wronged, then you could be setting yourself up for a lifetime of pain and suffering if you let them get to you. In many cases bitter ex’s NEVER move on, and they will never want to see you happy. You need to stop thinking they are going to get better and just get on with and concentrate on your own life. Don’t let them affect you.

Issues over the children – it’s a sad time when children get drawn into these matters but unfortunately this is what sometimes happens. You must try to protect your children from being involved as much as humanly possible, consider getting legal advice if this gets out of hand. Children can be very fragile at the best of times, and pulled into a war between the two people they love can cause long lasting emotional damage. Make sure you don’t discuss “Adult Issues” in front of them, and if your ex attempts to do this, make it very clear you are not going to participate.

Money concerns – Financial arguments are common after separation, it’s very important to attempt to get clear agreement over who pays for what. Obviously with children comes increased stress and emotional pressure but by making clear guidelines and gaining agreement as early as you can in a separation things don’t have to be too bad.

Jealousy – There is nothing like emotional pain and suffering to bring out the worst traits in people and jealousy is often part of the territory when it comes to separation. There is little one can do to fix an ex partners jealousy and time will improve things. Often if the jealous partner finds someone else in their life this can go away overnight!

Be patient, try to stay calm and even occasionally look at things from your ex’s perspective to get a wider view on things. Breaking up was never going to be easy however with patience and perseverance it is possible to achieve a happy outcome for you, your kids and even possibly your ex!

Please share your ex stories with us by way of leaving a comment on this article.

Top 5 Break Up Songs

Justin Timberlake – Cry Me A River

According to rumours this song is a retelling of Justin’s relationship with the renowned Britany Spears.

Gloria Gaynor – I Will Survive

The song paints a picture of a woman who finds personal power while on the recovery from a bad breakup.

Cher – Strong Enough

The lyrics say it all..

I hear your reasons why
Where did you sleep last night?
And was she worth it, was she worth it?

Johnny Nash – I can see clearly now

This single achieved a great deal of success in the US and also the UK. It was released in 1972



Carrie Underwood – Wasted

Carrie rose to fame as the winner of the 4th American Idol series. Even country singers can produce great break up songs and Carrie has a powerful story to tell in this one.

If you have a favorite break up song please let us know by leaving a comment on this post and we will definitely consider posting it on our site and sharing with our community.

10 Signs That Signal When a Relationship is Over

Coming to the realization that a long term relationship is over is never easy, admitting failure is not human and can be hard to stomach at the best of times. When it involves years of your life spent with the person that you chose as your life partner it can be a devasting revelation.

Here at childsupportnz.com we are optimists at heart and hope that you never have to go down this path, however there can come a time where you need to and we have listed 10 signs that can signal it’s time to move on.

You are no longer attracted to your partner

This can be a very awkward and upsetting situation, often when your feelings for someone have gone, so has your attraction to them. A common sign of a relationship at the crossroads is a loss of attraction by one or both of the parties.

You enjoy time away from your partner more than time with them

Its natural to appreciate time on yourself sometimes and perfectly normal. However if for example your partner goes away for a week and you are not looking forward to them returning, then you could well have a problem!

There is no longer a close feeling between the two of you

A strong relationship involves two people sharing their feelings and communicating closely with each other. If you have started confiding in someone else and/or talking about your partner instead of with them you could well be heading for the crossroads.

No sex for a long time

Sex is a natural thing for two people in a relationship, if you are not having it then its another sign that things are heading downhill. Can be sorted of course if its just a matter of working too hard, not spending enough time together and so on. If you or they just don’t want to anymore then that’s a big problem.

You hate his/her friends

Its easy to get negative when things are not going well, however it’s going to be hard work looking ahead if you are in a realtionship where you hate your partners friends. Often people hang out with people with similar likes and traits than themselves… you can see why this can be a problem!

It’s hard to make future plans, your heart does not seem in it

Every relationship reaches points where the future is discussed. If deep down you do not see a future with your partner then it can be very difficult to handle these conversations.

Arguing/Fighting

People that don’t get on, depending on their personalities, often argue and fight. Not a great sign of a strong relationship however there are exceptions to this.

They have cheated

There is nothing more important than being able to trust someone, if they have cheated on you that is a massive betrayal and to be quite honest something most relationships will never fully recover from.

Putting you down

If your other half is putting you down then that’s not ok. A relationship should consist of two people that are there for eachother and they should be watching your back – not stabbing a knife into it.

When you see other couples… they look like how you want to be

The time may come where you see a happy couple in love with each other and it may have the effect of making you realize that you want something different to what you have – you want to be like them and not miserable with the partner you are currently with.

Remember not all these signs on there own signal a relationship at breaking point, but if you are noticing a number that relate to your situation it could be time to start thinking about splitting up and getting on with your life.